Beautiful Life......My Style!!

It all began sometime soon after she left but then again it was always there. While she was around, it was no more than just a shadow lurking in the corner of his mind but when she finally decided to leave and let him be, the wait was over for it. Finally after all the wait and pain, it was out and that was not all. With it came something more dangerous, darker than anything I had imagined in my life.

Initially it was the emptiness that choked me. Many a time I even picked up my phone to call her. Call her and beg for her mercy. But even then I knew it was not going to happen. What I have become over the years was not something that gives into these weaker human urges and desires. So to avoid further webs of temptation, I did the only thing I could do at that time. I deleted her number from my cell…a silly move but necessary to preserve my sanity. But e-mail remained one of the biggest hurdles that needed to be crossed for me to completely get rid of her from my mind. Even a stray mail from the very few friends I got might contain her name and that was enough to drive me crazy. All this time I never thought I would miss her so much but then again like always I was wrong and she was right. One would know the hurt of missing someone only if you really miss someone you care about. I remember her telling me that I would never understand and I never did. I still cannot say I really missed her but one thing was sure. Without even talking to her, my life has become something like an empty hall. I realized who she was for me, more than just a friend or a partner. She was something more, something precious. She was that ingredient that was holding this pathetic existence of mine together. But now it was all over. Knowingly I had pushed out the one person whom I ever gave a damn about, pushed out so far that I doubt whether she would ever hear me again should I decide to go after her.

Jealousy is a very strange being. You would not be jealous at even your worse enemy but then again you would be goddamn jealous of someone real close to you. This is one question that I asked myself all the time. Is jealousy what drove her from me? Impartial though I was, I was not able to answer that. That could be a reason but then again there could be other more severe reasons. But one thing became very clear. Without her by my side, I was suffering but she seemed to enjoy every moment of it. She was colder than I thought she would be. While I was sitting in the corner thinking to myself and trying my best not to lose my sanity, she was running around shopping and watching movies and hanging out with her ‘gang’ of friends. I don’t know whether she was trying to freak me out but then again I respect her because she was doing a damn good job at that. Days went by, days turning into weeks and months and finally years. A couple of years have passed so far but still life remains the same except for the fact that we were 2 years older. But something also changed inside of me. I was no longer the smiley blimey guy around but a ghost of my former self. A rotten creature stuck up in the human shell. Then it was time for all of us to part our ways…to go out and see the wide world around. At this moment, at this last moment, I made the decision. The decision I am still debating on.

There she was walking like a princess among her ‘friends’ if I could call them that. I never really understood why she was hanging out with those bunch of freaks but then again she always liked to be with the freaks so that she could be noticed. No wonder she was with me even for a short period of time. I knew what I had to do. This was the answer to all my problems. The time has come for me to go back to my peaceful existence, to the pre-meet her period, when I was normal, when I was human. I picked the time carefully so that she would be alone then. Also I knew she wouldn’t pass an opportunity to hear me apologizing to her. I knew she would be there and was early to come as usual. But I was prepared for this emergency. I had woken up very early that day, freshened up and was all set and ready by the time I met her at the football field. Apologies were exchanged at first but then the plan started acting out. I asked her one simple question: “What do you think of me now?” Before she replied I read the answer in her eyes, her face. To her, I was nothing more than just another of the crowd of her friends. This time I was ready. She had damaged my soul once and she was not going to do it all over again. I never gave her a chance to speak. I thrust the knives right into her eyes, those gray beautiful eyes that caught me in it in their first glance. The spell was broken the moment I felt her eyes exploding and showering blood all over my hands. But this was too easy a fate for her. There were more to come. I cut out her nose and ears and thrust her into her mouth to stop her shouting. It was just so awesome. Eyeless, nose less and earless there she stood gagging on her own organs spilling blood all over her light sky blue skirt. Once I got her on her knees it was easy. I cut her open like a fat pig. I cut out all that I could from that carcass and fed it to the dogs around who were watching all this like some blockbuster movie. I felt her shivering with each cut I was making but I was not going to stop. The fun, it was too much for me to think about her. I was having too much of fun cutting her up, so much that I literally chopped her into small slices, slices that reminded me of bacon. I had her heart in my hand. It was the moment I was waiting for all my life. Her heart with me…it was still warm and trying to beat all the while squirting blood on my already bloodied arms. To get her totally out of my head, there was only one way. To get her into my stomach and let my body reject her, throw her out of my system for the one last time. The sun had risen and with it my appetite rose. I took a bite out of her heart. It was soft, mushy, sweet and tasty. The first bite was the hardest. Once I tasted what it was like, there was no stopping. With hungry gulps I ate it completely and once the meal was over, I felt peace…peace like heaven for the first time in my life for a long time.

The days that followed were nothing but figments of memory. After the meal I ran off leaving all and everything behind. I traveled lands I have never seen or heard before. I met people who liked me and hated me. All the time I was on the lookout for someone to come and take me back to the ground and finish me off as I did to her but no one came. I made discreet enquiries about her fate but no one seemed to know what happened to her. It was like a person like that never existed but I knew she did. I could still feel the taste of her heart in my mouth; it was always there like some sweet dream that one wants to see all night long every night. Maybe the dogs might have finished her off or maybe someone must have found her and is keeping this quiet so that they can find out about my whereabouts. For whatever reason that was, I was never going to go back. I got all that what I wanted. I got her out of my head but at the same time I can always have her with me, in me for all eternity. I am a normal satisfied man right now. The world is a beautiful place again and the beauty beckons me from the distance. Ah life is so beautiful!!!!