Friday, June 20, 2008

Why and some ramblings

Why am i like this?
Why do i live like this?
Why do i care a lot about people?
Why do i hate some people a lot?
Why do i hate this life?
Why do i always get hurt by ones i care?
Why do i always hurt the ones i care?
Why do i still consider myself partly human?
Why do i take these silly risks?
Why am i not caring whether i live or not?
Why am i not worth it?
Why is life not worth living for?
Why do i think so much?
Why am i so jealous?
Why am i so not jealous?
Why do i think of killing some people?
Why do i always think of killing myself?
Why am i not killing myself?
Why do i think this world is beautiful?
Why do i think this world is unfair?
Why do i always want to time travel?
Why do i take things personally?
Why do i eat food a lot?
Why am i so fat?
Why am i so ugly?
Why am i such a freak of nature?
Why am i allowed to live?
Why do people still tell me they care?
Why do no one kill me?
Why is this world still spinning?
Why is the time not stopping?

and last but not the least, the most important question again...


Of the many things that i ask myself, these are some of the major questions.People think i might be crazy, i am out of my mind or whatever but i do not care.

It is not about me anymore. I am nothing but a wandering ghost that needs a place to haunt. Only thing left is to become a ghost....literally....
There were times when i thought life is beautiful and worth living but of late that old feeling of worthlessness has crept in. Like all bad things that happens, seems like despair and depression has come back to my life with a vengeance...much much stronger than ever. I think the main inference from this recent events is that i have started back on the wonderful downward spiral from which i had escaped once.....
I do not know what awaits me tomorrow, not even know what is going to happen when i go out for the ride in another 5 minutes.Yes i am going riding, bad leg n all......its the thrills and risks that actually sustains me through the dull days i am having. Who knows one day it is all going to end at top speed. Nothing more satisfying to a rider than death on wheels.....maybe a lorry or even a long as the purpose is served i do not care.....the means are not important only the goal is.
Please pray that i find what i am searching for....let the race begin....3...2..1.GO